still pretty much the same...

Just last night, I was busy doing nothing in front of the computer so I figured maybe I could just check out my friendster instead. And I did find some new comments from my friends. They were just some usual checking-out-on-me kind of comments, just like any other else. Ordinary. Nothing really special and new. I read through them and then something caught me off guard. Someone I've known back in high school asked me about an old common friend of ours...an old friend that happened to have made a very big mark in my precious past. I didn't expect that a simple "kumusta naman mo?" could catch me breathless for a moment. All of a sudden, I felt like a wave had come after me. I didn’t know what it was that I felt, or why I was even feeling that way.

And then it hit me.

For over a year, I have struggled hard to keep myself going after a…well, let’s just say, a painful closure with a friend that I used to treat so special. And it took me a very long time to finally say that I have moved on. But I guess there is still something that I want to feel- something more than just moving on. I knew that I was over it. I knew that I have moved on, I've felt that- at least, this is what I know. Or I thought so.

But then again, maybe getting over is a different story, isn't it?

As much as I have tried moving on, I did try on on going all the way to getting over, too. But I guess, I was only good at the first part. Maybe that second part was something that I failed to do- something that I didn't even notice all along. And I didn't realize that until last night.

But of course, if I let myself spend another bloody night thinking about this issue that doesn't even make sense- and it shouldn't really make any sense to me at all, I might as well end up feeling that same stupid pain again.

Although, I must admit- and I would be a hell of a liar if I don't- that I haven't gotten over this whole thing...yet. Maybe the feelings are still pretty much the same. Maybe the emotions are still there. But it sure won't be there forever. Eventually, it'll all go away. I know it will.

And he is gonna get the hell out of my freaking system. x